Lion Milk War

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  • In Coordinance with the Cardinal Protection Act

    A monumental museum on the mountaintops and a ghost town’s clocktower bell ringing with no one around; why waste the energy? I’ve dug a two cubic metre cavity in the ground; occasionally, I crawl in and lay on my side. I almost always feel like a pillbug; but today, especially so. Tired of the violent and vibrant vertebrae. The gold-coat slyboot brings great luck. Mary meant merry merriment merely mirrors merry minted merriment. You’re a real sleaze, aren’t you?  Innoperational apostrophi prophesying the templictic. Tonight: we will be sleeping in a can of worms.

    Ransomware, real estate. Incandescent and irate. Hiding under the new autobahn. Lemon-sucking lions rolling and crying. Gasoline guillotines are still rather too slow. An irregular gourd vortex. Camouflage, spherical turrets: an orange, a bowling ball, a terran globe. And you can put them in your pocket; alternatively, on a pedestal, in a little glass box. Ramming and slamming your car into the same brick wall until you can’t anymore: this is destiny. Felicity is missing persons poster, please.



    March 9, 2026

  • A Lonesome Midnight Beverage

    Wait, take me with you. Please, wait, take me with you. A few capsules too many. Lingering lions, snickering just around the corner. Fireflies forests and late-June jubilee. Flashlights for rent: five dollars. Twiddling a semi-burnt-out cigarette between your fingertips. Another felinous evening. Reexamining velocity in a vacuum. Eighty-eight eight balls, all to my solitary self. A triad of timid, tired, tiny tabbycats curling up next to momma after a long day of play. I just cannot get enough of inhaling smog, I’ve even written it into my daily planner.

    Choking up laughing, or crying; it’s cyclical, really. Three and a half jars of jazz jelly. A lonesome midnight beverage has become routine. Numerous nickel nanites marching along a moonlit riverside. Geiger geysers. I’ve stopped locking my gunsafe. Frequent indigo endeavors. Lemon liquor and festival flicker, bustling and buzzing. We are no longer sure what induces what. Dismal, dreary and down damsels. Afraid of the limelight; tuck yourself into a small box, and stop talking.

    March 6, 2026
    Features Illustration

  • Dot-Plotter Calibration and FM Interference

    A crude hand-drawn doodle of a corded telephone, with the telephone detached and standing upright. The telephone is speaking in wahs.

    They’re bioengineering a new sub-type of cancer, it’s about time, really. Many modern modems squeaking and whirring; it’s all too much, would you just shut up, please? Plasticine porch pigeons pretending to be pecking poundfruit scraps. Hand-crank self-shockers and peddle-powered executioners. Three hundred thirty-seven painstakingly hand-painted piggy banks suspended from the ceiling. John called, said he wants Richards tech. Oklahoma left entirely devastated following cataclysmic thunderstorms; more to come. You’re on thin ice now.

    Escaping into the thick morning’s mist, you can finally be free; like a beautiful bird. Increasingly frequent maniacal meltdowns. Quail fish quilt sales. Subject to spontaneous sublimation. Indonesian idiographic ideograms and pheasant feather felt fans. New age contemporary telephones that do the talking for you; I’ve never felt so connected. Luscious botanical drapery; and, hello there little gup. A night of rusty knives. The flowers have never been so beautiful. You’ve been too happy. It’s time to cut your breaks and put the pedal to the metal.



    March 3, 2026
    Features Illustration

  • Seaborne Serpent Spirits and Isolated Ice Chambers

    Tiny fluffy tigers rolling around in a field of daisies. They will begin force-feeding you medication to catalyze that sense of impending damnation. Frantic freight train follies. Frozen foul bits on little wooden dollies. Whirling and twirling. Jumbo lollipops and stacks of old yellow paper. Shrinking and sizzling stars fighting for a last display of radiance. Flour dowels and Bosnian towels. Fencing fencing. Resting into a fluffy skirt after a picnic on a sunny summer day, I feel like a tired little kitten. Trampoline triangulation and clandestine strangulation. Pretty little pussy willows, thank you. I saw you tossing those rocks into the lake, please knock it off; know your place.

    Coked-up cattle grazing in a field of johnny whiskers under the harvest moon, can it get any more beautiful? Wading through too-tall fields of flowers without any shoes, we feel like gleeful little vixen (sometimes in the Summer we steal from the vines of the local vineyard). Strawberry starfish and blackberry barnacles; seafruit salad; I’ll have a sparkly with that, please. Chasing each other through a rainy harbor like little pouncing pygmy polecats celebrating the first winter’s snowfall. Hello, you’ve been randomly selected for immediate extermination, how very lucky!



    March 2, 2026

  • Antioxidant Oxen Locked-In Convenience Store

    A crude hand-drawn doodle of a mouse, taped to something.

    Twenty-four, twenty-four. Silver fox fur. A blackened, black-end bottom lip. Acoustic caustics acclimate, agitate. No need to run. Modern houses with modern locks; and modern lock-pickers. A sheet of cara cara orange stickers. They chewed your favorite pen, do something about that. Rough them up. Shooting down hang gliders with anti-air artillery. Enough money to go around, but I don’t want to share. Showering your special someone in their own blood. Cuffed to the wall; keep kicking your feet, I don’t care. Squawking and squeaking, the insuppressible utter annoyance of the mouse they’ve taped to your back. 

    Julie, please have this done by Friday. Julie, please rinse the coffee pot. Hostile houseplant. Chattering with the cheetahs–take notes please. Nevada’s gone mad, have you seen the news? Injecting yourself with every last needle you can find: the true way to live prosperously. Take what’s yours, it’s about time; haven’t you had enough? You can bash your head against all the rocks you’d like, but I’ve found boulders to be more effective. Alternatively, tie yourself to an old tree and set it on fire. Come back a beautiful phoenix. You could be so beautiful.

    February 28, 2026
    Features Illustration

  • 70s Sinkholes Starsystem Recall Order

    Annual five year test: unexposed portions of pistons, pressure vessels, governors. Half a million vermillion vats of vermilion butterflies, in a monochromatic airlock warehouse. Bowling three consecutive spares. Unmarked foreign packages containing enigmata that are just, ever so slightly, unidentifiable. Toying with long-expired stormchasing equipment; does this bring back memories, Richard? Clown clouds cloud clown clouds. She looks picturesque in that corset, in that dress. An overwhelmed, fickle, little weathercock. Please sir, please rest assured; all proceeds will be redistributed to specific sectors of the Europan Wildcat Conservatory Agency (Astral-EWCA).

    Seeking six sick sickles, with the sniffles, please get well soon. Industrial industry industrialization, justification. Re: Cleo; in hindsight, wonderous. These cheap bastards, I am so very tired. Severifying metautophobia, a horrific spiral.. A new era of new era propagation systems, currently exclusive to the city of Bologna (via preorder). We are experiencing the side-effects of steam. It is about time that we start feeding the animals antidepressants. I feel fine: like a wild feline, in a box, that is slowly shrinking.

    February 27, 2026

  • Replacing the Bulbs in an Firelift

    A crude hand-drawn doodle of a traffic cone, toppled over and casting a shadow.

    The princess is picked apart rather ravenously; there is no heir to the throne. Three months of flight academy. The world now runs on a unified economy of catseye marbles. Locus lotuses. Ten-volt tenable tent poles and a blue traffic cone. The George array is running low on cyan ink; a replacement order has been confirmed. Two-factor authentication code: 85S0W; time is running out. The idea is to get you into a FOMO chokehold. Salisbury steak dinners and your daily medication. Ever since I’ve taken an generic-brand precision utility knife and removed the last three days from each month in my calendar (spare February), all has been tranquil and bliss.

    The Californian coronary Calypso; toss. Placated plecos, in the limelight. Aubergine shadow and aubergine gloss, new shoes, a new skirt. Newsprint sandwich wrapping, homemade potato chips, and those tasseled toothpicks. A lone, not-alone crow flying overhead. The daily intake of smog amongst all else, in the winter season. The first step into a store you’ve never entered before; a sickening, queasy feeling. Model trains and model planes, right-aligned text on street shop signs. An itch, inside. Your entire life up until this point has been a mere prologue for this moment: at long last, your opportunity to have a turn replacing the bulbs in an firelift–without a harness. Don’t bungle it, you cunt.



    February 24, 2026
    Features Illustration

  • An Broken Weather Alert System and Atlantic-Bound Frisbees

    A crude hand-drawn doodle of a bear wearing a scarf and standing upright on its hind legs. Motion lines indicate the possibility of dancing.

    A cluster of orchestral harps, a heap. Gallowing waves of artifice dust are now inbound. A chain-link lynx chain, no specific region; no specific region required. Two quarters and a penny–worth irrelevant. The lunar year of the horse, every year. Described in two colors: perhaps coffee. An relaxing game of billiards with a curious colocolo. The everlooping melody of a voice you thought you’d forgotten, no more eye contact, please. The ethereal fibers of being alternating between a gilded silk and an earthly ombré. Lustrous windows that cloud when you’re around, have you tried not being a worthless sad-sack? Outstretched hands towards the clouds in the field of what once was. In a little while, they’ll be gone.

    Rhinestone rivers of intertwining interconnections between those who’ve never met. The business that John wishes he would have started when he had the chance, you can only pray you will not become as helpless as he has. The echoing ripple of the wrongful. A lone bear dances in the wintery woods. The consequences of flipping a coin one too many times. A long list of the years you’ve lost. Long-expired backstage passes, world’s least-reflective mirror, and a small bowl of chocolate candied whatevers. Emergency landing gear that pops at the sound of your keys jing-jingalinging. If you weren’t such a dullard, that’d be you on the television.



    February 22, 2026
    Features Illustration

  • The Oversaturated Pond Stone

    Lacustrine leopards piddling, paddling. A hogwash set of teeth, a shrill whisper. The cinnamon eggs of the cinnamon chickens; great, just, great. Anthropomorphizing the inanimate is a surefire stream of self-destruction; please do not rely on me. Each day: check your emails, clean out your inbox, check your spam folder. Delightful little dandelions, dancing–is this too contradictory? Homeburnt media, a wonderful waste of time. Unrelated, the great fear of enchorizing a passion. Woodworks, waterworks, pyrrharctia isabella.

    The stark contrast between a pond stone and an alkaline battery. Light-receivers bouncing such back and forth. The way you look at her is truly loathsome. You’re sickly. The future society founded upon Olympian eugenics–you, a contender for sterilization. Submarines circle a sea spiral. Neoclassical notebook-bound nouns. A kitty cat, ready to pounce. A lockbox full of locked-up clocks and a carriage of legumes. Piñatas, the pinnacle. Three bar charts depicting the correlation between the ants in a populous and the severity of the upcoming sea of  thunderstorms: the relation is shocking. Dwindling, dwindling, dwindling. The crumpled change in your pockets.

    February 21, 2026

  • An Ecoconscious Approach to the Potency Problem

    A crude hand-drawn doodle of a 3 x 7 grid. Below the grid is the text all the pretty colors.

    Wind-up weather balloons leaking your secrets most-grandeur. The natural although artificial concept of a glowing globule around a glowing globule, the mist sure helps. A jackstone jaguar liming stone. Limestone. Lime stone. Limes tone. Rearranging the alphabet to be more efficient–you, or the alphabet? Ink pad blot burst birds, on the old cellar scratchpad. Total radial transparency–or, dependency. Near-holographic halo hair; the face of an angel. Intentional indecipherability, that is, not to say it lacks in substance: a jigsaw benefits from a missing piece. Gawping at the pretty colors while new-age nimrods needlessly argue the name of such. The insuppressible urge to illustrate the aforementioned.

    You’re disgusting, smeared by what you sought to seduce, oafish. Satin silk sweet tea on the patio to cleanse oneself of the evening practice. Lie in sweet summer wheatgrass: an oh-so-rude intruding recollection. A momentary guild guise: a lapse in judgement, catacomb corruption. Overwhelming clementine caustics. Oregonian church organ organs. An altruistic abstraction to the tasteless. David, field journal: Canadian bobcat. David, field-journal: Canadian lynx.

    February 19, 2026
    Features Illustration

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A crude hand-drawn doodle of a lion. It features the title Lion Milk War below it.